May 17, 2010

Crazy Marriage Advice from My Italian Grandmother



Welcome D-Listed Blog Party 2010 visitors. I have also been participating in Momalom's 5 for 10 post where every day we've been writing about the same topic and today's topic is Lust. But before I get into that, a brief introduction: I'm a dramatic Italian, eye-tearing, germ-fearing, sweat-dripping, heart-skipping, bottom-wiping, finger-swiping, crumb-picking, toy-tripping, hand-holding, laundry-folding, character-molding, head-turning, stomach churning, patience-testing, un-empty-nesting, mistake-making, rule-breaking, Mommy of two toddlers. Check out the "About me" section below to learn more.

ON LUST:
Well, since I'm Italian, I thought you might enjoy hearing some crazy advice my Italian grandmother gave me upon getting married. One day, shortly after my honeymoon, she called me up on the phone and said out of the blue with the greatest fervency as though it was her last breath, "LISTEN TO-a ME!"

I thought to myself, Oh, God, what's happening. Is she dying? But no, the words she was about to say was going to make me want to crawl under the couch and hide.

"Listen-a! When de man, you hus'bun, wanna make-a de cha-cha-cha NEVER SAY NO!"

"What!" I ask, thinking to myself surely surely this woman, my grandmother, isn't referring to what I think she is!

"YOU SO STUPID-A! NEVER SAY NO!"

"Grandma, I don't want to talk about this." Can we say, AKWARD!

Nevertheless, she continued: "Listen-a. I'm gonna tell you da story. Dis is-a true! One time, dare wassa da woman. Her Hus'bun he come-a 'ome from-a work-a, and he wanna make a de cha cha cha. But she said-a NO! She was-a busy-a cook-a! She no wanna de cha cha cha! So de man, he go-a into de bed-a-room. Den, some-a time pass-a. De woman went to call-a de husbun to eat-a dinna. But when she open de door-a, de husbun, HE WAS-A DEAD-A!"

SURELY, I thought to myself, this isn't really happening. This advice surely isn't coming from my grandmother.

"What are you talking about!" I tell her. "This is so random. Please, I don't want to talk about this Grandma!"

But she insisted, "Look-a, NEVER SAY NO! Dis is de cross-a we must-a carry as de woman."

"Are you telling me that if I ever tell my husband no, he's going to die?"

"What-a you? Some-a kind-a CRAZY!?!?!?!?! Yes-a! Dis is de true story!"

Well, there you have it ladies. Advice from my Italian grandmother: "Never say NO" to your husband's requests for "dance" lessons. I did ask her what would happen if the husband says no to his wife. Apparently the wife will not die. Don't get angry at me, now. I'm just the messenger.

And, before you get too offended, just remember, she's doing her Italian grandmotherly duty of trying to get the world to produce more babies because more babies equals more mouths to feed which means more food to cook which means:

Happiness.



Have you had family members give you crazy advice? Do share : )

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Posted by Laura

20 comments:

Cindy @ This Adventure, Our Life said...

Oh Laura, this is soo more than AWESOME!! I love it...the accent and all! I could picture this conversation so perfect! I will never say no :) ha ha! Voting for you, because this is hilarious!! I might even have to read this one to the Hus'bun!

Melodramommy said...

Thanks Cindy. You're always so encouraging. I debated on posting this, cause wasn't sure if I could portray the accent. Glad you got it and it made you smile : )

L said...

Way too funny, Laura. I am sure you felt like dying when she was telling you this. This old fashioned advice advice makes you think...women realy have evolved in the past few generations.

Jen said...

This is so wonderful. Funny, yes. But somewhere, it's a little heartwarming, too. And, I love how you linked in happiness. Yes indeedy!

sara said...

She no wanna de cha cha cha! HA! I am seriously going to try to work this phrase into my daily life as much as is physically possible!!

Erica K said...

love how you wrote that and yes crazy advice always comes from family in my world.

I was loosing weight and my pants were getting too big on me. My grandma said, "sweetie your pants are falling off you need to gain weight". LOL

Hello from d-listed blog hop
http://bassgiraffe.blogspot.com/

LeeAnn said...

Hi Laura! I'm your new follower from the D-Listed party. My daughter and son are also 20 months apart, so I'm pretty sure we'll have a lot of "fun" stories to share! :-)

That conversation with your grandma was great!

Have a great week!

ElizabethK said...

Funniest thing i've read in a very long time! Us poor WASPs from the Bible Belt just don't get this kind of advise from anyone in our family! Be thankful for your sweet, outspoken grandma!

Heligirl said...

OMG, I'm blowing the Chinese I'm having for lunch out my nose I'm laughing so hard. Oh God, that's funny. I can just hear her voice in your writing. How CLASSIC is that?

OK, the advice I got that made my chin drop was from my Father in law and his wife (she was his second wife, my hubby's step-mother). They gave us this little speech shortly after we got engaged and they were sure it was a valid piece of marital advice:

"It's always good to have marriage counseling. Lots of it will help you work things out and stay together a long time. See how we've done?"

They had counseling their entire marriage and most believe it was a poor decision to marry in the first place. Incidentally, they divorced last year. Doh!

Happy d-list party. I'm following now!

-Jen

Cindy @ Mama Dragon's Lair said...

ROFL! I just love this post, and your grandmother! Though I can imagine how you must have felt at the time. Thank goodness my grandmother's marital advice stopped at "Go to church together every Sunday"
Glad I wandered over from Momalom - I plan to return!

Justine Nelson said...

this is hilarious!!

dropped by from the d-list. might stick around =)

nice to meet you!

Krista said...

HAHAHA!! That was the cutest story! I love the spot-on accent- I was THERE with you!! ;)

So glad I found your blog - visiting from the D-List!

Officially your newest follower. For now, anyway. :)

http://kristabird.blogspot.com

Cleo said...

Oh Laura!!! (Wiping tears from my eyes with a stitch in my side!)

LOVE IT!!!!

Not going to let my hubs catch wind of this post, though! I'd never be able to say "Later, Dear", again! LMBO! ;)

Big hugs, friend! :)

MidnightCafe said...

Here from Momalom...

This is a fantastic story! ...and it's a good thing you wrote it down for posterity. ;)

Melodramommy said...

Thanks all for the warm remarks. It was a busy day for me yesterday but I'll be trying to make my rounds visiting your blogs during the kids nap times today.

dancingguitargirl said...

This is absolutely hysterical! Is this the same grandmother that burps when you massage her arms? I love your relatives!!

Cindy @ This Adventure, Our Life said...

Okay, I re-read today for a good laugh!

Krista said...

Laura this is classic! I love the accent...could you do some of his fam. maybe? The wierdest advice that we got on our wedding day was.."Divorce is NEVER and option but murder sure is! They were only kidding of course..maybe not..who knows! =)
Love it keep it coming girl!

mommyandlu said...

Love the Italian accent I could hear her in my head . My hubby´s grandmother told me on my wedding shower (with a Jewish mother accent of course) "Remember that you can get pregnant while breastfeeding, it took me four kids to figure it out"
Visiting from D listed and staying!

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