May 10, 2010

On How to Make Mommy Pee

Dear Toddler girl,

Hi there, it’s your friend Mr. Peepee. Yes, it is very dark outside—but it’s morning time and you can get up now. Oh, come on, I really am your friend. Ok, sorry I got you in trouble for following you across the living room carpet last week—hey, Mommy needs to learn these messes are no big deal especially when over at a friend’s house! Hey, that wasn’t half as bad as when your brother invited me to fly across his bedroom onto the dresser mirror last month! Really. Trust me. Anyway, I have a fun activity for you this morning. Yes, this is something Mommy is going to absolutely scream her head off with excitement this morning . . . Wanna help?

Okay, it’s quite simple. Just go and grab that shiny blue container of dental floss. Yes, the one right there on Mommy’s bathroom counter. Shhhhhh. Be quiet. Not time to wake her just yet. Got it? Okay, now go unravel just a little bit and go dangle that white thread above and across Mommy’s face! Just lightly. Yes, I know she’s sleeping right now, but that’s the point! Oh good, I see you’ve quietly climbed onto her bed to do this. Trust me, she’s going to LOVE the way this feels.

Yes! Yes! You have the hang of it now. What? Oh, why is Mommy scrunching up her face? That’s because she really is enjoying this! Yes, look at the way she is slapping her cheeks with enthusiasm! Okay, now when Mommy screams as though she is being attacked—that is when you are going to ask her to floss your teeth. No, Mommy’s not screaming because she thinks a tarantula is shriveling its way across her skin. Trust me she’s slapping her face because she’s so proud of you for wanting to keep your teeth clean. And the screaming as though she’s dying? That’s because I’m about to make a surprise visit to her in her sleep!


Your pal,

Mr. Peepee

P.S.—If you thought that made her pee, just wait till she finds out she’s officially off the waiting list at the 2010 NYC Blogher conference. She and I are going to be best buds!


Yes, it's official. I'm going to blogher! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! I can't wait to meet so many awesome women! And, learn and share with you the experience. Let me know if you're going. And if not, what you want me to tell you about it.


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Posted by Laura

7 comments:

Kim said...

LMAO!! Too funny! You put a smile on my face! Thanks so much!

Hello! I'm Kate. said...

This hilarious!!! And yay for going to blogher! I'm hoping to go to a conference in austin in october--fingers crossed!

Melodramommy said...

Hi Kim. Glad to make you smile. We all need that.

And, kate, keeping my fingers crossed for you.

Krista said...

OMG! I was laughing so hard at this! I can just picture it...I definately have a little curious one like this too!

Tractor Mom said...

Dear Melodramommy,

Thanking you for allowing me the chance to spread myself to all your blogging buddies!

Your Friend,
Mr. Peepee

www.frugaltractormom.blogspot.com

Jacob said...

snicker.

Cindy @ This Adventure, Our Life said...

This is super funny!! I love it!! Voted and Congrats on getting to go to Blogher!!