March 30, 2010

Mommy Faces Greatest Fear: The Public Restroom

So don’t ask me why these things happen to me, but sometimes they do and last night it did! Remember how last week I was capturing those nomadic poopies while quarantining Daddy? Well Mr. Poopie  was NOT very happy with me; perhaps he didn’t appreciate my letter setting the record straight or the way I destroyed him with only one wipe. Well, last night he brought a sudden attack against me like I never knew existed but NOT while I was at home in the comforts of my own sanitized bathroom. He waited until I was stranded out in the middle of a mega craft store without a stroller. He waited until Daddy had left and I was just standing there holding my little 2YO’s hand to strike me so hard it sent me running to the public restroom like there was no tomorrow. 

I ran so fast across the store, which by the way, why is the restroom when you really need one always located on the furthest side of the store! Poor little-toddler-girl’s tiny legs could barely keep up.
“WHERE ARE WE RUNNING TO?” she shouts.
“The bathroom.” I whisper.
“WHY ARE WE GOING TO THE BATHROOM, MOMMY?” She innocently loudly inquires,  announcing to the entire store what I don't want them to know. The worst part is that a germaphobe Mommy was forced to bring her 2YO, who I repeat was NOT in the sanitized bubble of a stroller but free to walk and talk and touch the walls of the stall while Mommy felt helpless. Thank God, I had my bottle of purell on my keychain strapped to my belt buckle!

I call Daddy on my cell to cry out for help, BUT, of course he does not answer. Has the stomach flu finally gotten me too? Now what? How do you distract a 2YO while you’re having some major issues going on and toddler is fascinated by her new unsanitized surroundings? Let’s see: I told her a made up story about a princess who found a butterfly—which only entertained her for 20 seconds; we counted the tiles on the floor—got to 10 and lost interest; we talked about how dirty and germy the bathroom floor was—tricky, sometimes that makes her want to touch it even more; I praised her repeatedly for what a big help she was to Mommy by just keeping me company and not touching anything; we discussed the princess stickers that Mommy would buy for her for not touching the baby changing station that was sure to be housing an entire nation of E. coli; and finally we established that, No thank you, Mommy does NOT need help flushing because Mommy so deeply enjoys this task herself. Overall 2YO did very well. When we got to washing our hands I felt relieved: I even questioned if this might be a new stage where 2YO can handle being in a public restroom. But wouldn’t you know, just as we dried her hands, she noticed some pink dried soap on the edge of the sink and before Mommy could yell “Don’t touch,” her little arm in one stroke had swiped the pink residue and shoved those fingers in her mouth!

HANDS IN THE MOUTH! Now, the exit strategy was really in effect. Of course as we open the door, there's daddy. A moment too late. Sigh. We run across the store to the door and, yes, I keep my word and buy 2YO some stickers on the way out. Then, to top off the perfect evening, when we get in the car a tantrum arises so mightily that the two middle aged men who were walking nearby slow their steps and stare at me appalled with their cell phones in hand. Their faces said it all: surely, surely, this child who is kicking and screaming is being kidnapped! Should they call the police? One man pretended to walk away but only took five steps and then glared at us through his peripheral vision. The other man's feet were glued to the sidewalk right in front of our car. NO, It couldn’t possibly be that this child just never took her nap, is frustrated cause Mommy prematurely ended the fun trip to the craft store and is thus having a tantrum. Perhaps they never met a melodramatic child before. Or a Melodramommy.

"Excuse me, Sirs, ahem, yes the two of you who have been staring at me!" I yell rolling down the window while driving away (No I didn't really, I just fantasized about it later).
"Do you really think I'd be that stupid to kidnap a child who's so effective at throwing tantrums! Oh, just read my blog. Buh-bye."

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Posted by Laura

2 comments:

Kat said...

As much as I want Mr. T to start walking, your story makes me think twice. Its so much easier when they will just stay put, isn't it? However, in your case, that would mean sitting him on the floor....EEEwwww. So never mind then ;)

Rebecca said...

Melodramommy nightmare! I am so impressed that you didn't in fact roll down the window and shout at the 2 old men staring. You are a better woman than I. I have already fantasized about what I would have said. "Clearly you have never raised children and were in fact raised in Ivory Towers yourselves! Way to make an already awkward situation even MORE awkward!" buh-bye!