March 14, 2010

Seven Ways To Quarantine Daddy

So it’s 4 p.m. and I confess I haven’t yet brushed my teeth because I dread going into the bathroom to get my toothbrush. I washed my face with shampoo from the guest bathroom. Yes, I’m still wearing the clothes I slept in. The problem? It happened early this morning at 4 a.m. A sound no mother ever wants to hear: a roar coming from a yellow-faced daddy that described all he ate for dinner last night and all day long for that matter in one prolonged breath. Food poisoning? Stomach virus? All I know is that there is no quicker way to get this mother out of bed.  In fact, I’m thankful the ceiling fan isn’t directly above my side of the bed or I probably would have hit my head and been flung into the bathroom while jumping out from under the sheets.

So what do you do? How do you keep the two toddlers as far away from what could be the queen mother of all viruses--the stomach flu? There’s only one answer . . . We must quarantine daddy. Look, I hope you are never in the same predicament. But, it’s always wise to be prepared.

Here’s seven ways to quarantine daddy:

1.)   Get geared up with a mask. If you don’t have one handy, hold your breath when in the same room. Look, breathing isn’t that important right now. Weigh the priorities!
2.)   Bring him a glass of water and toast with a note that says, “I love you. Feel better.” You've got to show some compassion but again I repeat, DO NOT breathe until you are out of the room.
3.)   Barricade the bedroom door so he can’t come out. Look, you gave him bread and water; he has all he needs to survive for the next while. 
4.)   Open all the windows to air out the house. Don’t worry if it’s freezing outside, this will only help the air flow more quickly.
5.)   Grab the Clorox wipes and a can of Lysol disinfectant and begin happy sanitizing.
6.)   Wash your hands! Don’t forget you have to scrub for 30 seconds to eliminate all the germs. Oprah suggests you sing “Happy Birthday” twice. But considering the circumstances, I think a more appropriate song would be, “I Will Survive.”
7.)   Finally, grab the car keys, diaper bag, load the kids in the car, and just drive somewhere far, far away.

Good luck! And, if you have any other suggestions to add to the list, please be sure to post your comment.

Posted by Laura 


Diana said...

Don't forget, there's always the option of simply putting *him* outside until he's all better. After all, nothing like a dose of fresh air to get those germs out! :)
Happy you got your comments fixed!

Anonymous said...

Didn't y'all just go through this not long ago?? Or maybe it was another family with toddlers I'm thinking of. Either way, I wouldn't wish it on anyone!! I hope daddy feels better soon - even more I hope the rest of you don't get it at all.

Melodramommy said...

Good idea Diana! And, Dana, yes, we had this a few months ago, and 3x last year. Thus, the germ phobia. Thanks for the well wishes. Daddy is much better today. We think it was food poisoning.