March 18, 2010

Top Mommy Casualties Exposed

What the doctors don’t tell you about babies: So on that glorious long-awaited day, when you’re finally handed your glowing, slippery, bright-squinting-eyed little bundle in those very first moments, the doctors and nurses surely don’t warn you about how dangerous a baby can be. No, this post is not about stretch marks and sagging skin, the darkened eye circles from constant sleep deprivation, those hormonal surges that cause pubescent breakouts, nor the sudden hair shedding from 9 months of catch up; we’ll save that for a later discussion—perhaps.

Today is about all those motherly battle wounds—physical wounds—that nobody warned me about. That IF I had known about, I may have taken certain precautions …

1.) A baby’s head is in itself a weapon and a force NOT to be reckoned with:
IF I had known that my little 2YO had a head that was harder and swifter than a bowling ball, would I have nestled my face ever-so-closely into the back of her baby soft curls not knowing that at ANY moment, she would jerk up, lift that noggin, and come smacking down like a wrecking ball right into the bridge of my nose? I might have given a little more room for error.  At the time I thought she broke my nose, and now on those random days when I occasionally scrutinize my face in the mirror, I do question if the ever-so-slight bump at the bridge of my nose was the result of the impact. That same not-so-innocent baby head also gave grandma a fat lip and daddy a bruised chin on several occasions. 

2.) Babies like to pretend they are aspiring Billy Blanks fans:
IF I had known that my little-baby-boy has an inherent ability to perform martial arts, I may NOT have gone to kiss his cheek in the dark and instead gotten kicked right in my eye socket. Yes, I saw stars, and believe me, it wasn’t from looking out the window up at the sky.

3.) The movie should have been called, Baby-Scissor-Hands:
No matter how many times I trim those nails, file, and offer a mani and pedi at the same time, within a day, I am feeling the ramifications of little scratches on my chest and arms. Let’s face it; a baby’s nails are oh-so-cute, but very sharp. 

4.) If only the theme song of Jaws would play when baby is teething:
Perhaps this is why I got the book, Teeth are NOT for Biting, for my 1YO. Need I say more?

5.) Lungs that mean business:
IF I knew that my daughter could reach pitches that I never knew existed, that could actually make my eardrum tingle, vibrate, and almost pop, I might have been more intentional when picking her up to simply position her mouth AWAY from my ear.

So these are some of my battle wounds. And you know what, I’d do it all over again. Ain’t nothing gonna stop this momma from squeezing her little ones and soaking it all up; however, knowing what I do now, I just simply take certain precautions: I approach the baby head with great caution; I try to leave a night light on so I can see the foot coming when attempting to cuddle with baby; and when I stick my fingers in baby's mouth to remove foreign objects I emotionally prepare myself that I will most likely have teeth marks to show for it. I confess that when getting super close to baby, I occasionally consider gearing up with a helmet, earplugs, goggles, gloves, and full body armor. And don’t. Thus, this mommy has herself a lot of bruises, bumps, and scratches to show for it. These are my battle wounds and you know what, I’m proud of them.

What do you wish your doctor had told you about your baby? And what are your battle wounds?

Posted by Laura


Bethesda Coffee Guy said...

Oh my goodness, can i relate to all of those?! The only one that I would add, is baby biting while nursing. This is one of the most painful weapons in his arsenal. this is obviously ashley and not lance.

Melodramommy said...

Now that's a very very good point. And to that, I think you topped my list. There is no greater pain indeed!