When Mommy Becomes a Human Tissue

We’re going on 9 straight days of leaking noses in my house. Yesterday, thanks to the AC breaking, I grabbed a T-shirt and shorts to stay cool; they happened to both be black. At the end of the day, I looked at myself in the mirror and was surprised to see silvery iridescent slime streaks across my black shirt that glowed in the florescent bathroom lighting—like slug trails illuminating on the sidewalk under moonlight. Yes, my children had left their marks on Mommy. Those hugs and squeezes were really the strategic wiping of drips on Mommy’s shirt; why use a tissue when you can hug Mommy and wipe your nose at the same time!

Well, not today! I thought. Because today I was going to work with Daddy. The kids were dropped at Grandma’s house while Mommy actually got to fix her hair, do her make-up, and wear a nice black dress, and remember what she used to look like before chasing around Mr. Poopie with the wipe all day long. Well, in returning home from work this afternoon, 2YO runs up to me to give me a big hug.

“Mommy! Mommy!” She comes running, clearly with something sweet to tell me. What would she say? Would it be the “I missed you” or “I love you, Mommy.” No, today it was going to be something extra special—I could tell by that look in her eyes. I call her to sit on my lap when she whips out that little pointer finger a few inches from my face and with both a sense of delight and great pride declares, “I have boogie on my fin-ga, Mommeeee!”

And there it was, this decrepit yellow shrivel, perched out and gripping on for dear life. I could almost hear it hissing: “Go ahead, tell her to put me in a tissue. You'll regret it!”

Now what could this ug-laaay little booger do to me? So in spite of the threats I say, “NO, we don’t pick our noses, let’s get a tissue.” Well, before the words are even out of my mouth, Toddler-girl is shoving that finger in her mouth! “Oh, nooooooooo!” I cry, with disgust. I don't know how, but that boogie enticed my poor child to taste it! “NO, We don’t eat boogies---“ and before I can finish my sentence, 2YO does what in her mind is the next best practical idea, pull it out of her mouth and immediately wipe it on Mommy’s knee! So, there I am with this elongated booger stretched out several inches across my bare knee in the shape of a V as though it were claiming “victory” over me. That was when I looked down and realized . . . I have become a human tissue! Yet another thing to add to the list of having earned my badge in motherhood.

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Posted by Laura