Crazy Marriage Advice from My Italian Grandmother

Welcome D-Listed Blog Party 2010 visitors. I have also been participating in Momalom's 5 for 10 post where every day we've been writing about the same topic and today's topic is Lust. But before I get into that, a brief introduction: I'm a dramatic Italian, eye-tearing, germ-fearing, sweat-dripping, heart-skipping, bottom-wiping, finger-swiping, crumb-picking, toy-tripping, hand-holding, laundry-folding, character-molding, head-turning, stomach churning, patience-testing, un-empty-nesting, mistake-making, rule-breaking, Mommy of two toddlers. Check out the "About me" section below to learn more.

ON LUST:
Well, since I'm Italian, I thought you might enjoy hearing some crazy advice my Italian grandmother gave me upon getting married. One day, shortly after my honeymoon, she called me up on the phone and said out of the blue with the greatest fervency as though it was her last breath, "LISTEN TO-a ME!"

I thought to myself, Oh, God, what's happening. Is she dying? But no, the words she was about to say was going to make me want to crawl under the couch and hide.

"Listen-a! When de man, you hus'bun, wanna make-a de cha-cha-cha NEVER SAY NO!"

"What!" I ask, thinking to myself surely surely this woman, my grandmother, isn't referring to what I think she is!

"YOU SO STUPID-A! NEVER SAY NO!"

"Grandma, I don't want to talk about this." Can we say, AKWARD!

Nevertheless, she continued: "Listen-a. I'm gonna tell you da story. Dis is-a true! One time, dare wassa da woman. Her Hus'bun he come-a 'ome from-a work-a, and he wanna make a de cha cha cha. But she said-a NO! She was-a busy-a cook-a! She no wanna de cha cha cha! So de man, he go-a into de bed-a-room. Den, some-a time pass-a. De woman went to call-a de husbun to eat-a dinna. But when she open de door-a, de husbun, HE WAS-A DEAD-A!"

SURELY, I thought to myself, this isn't really happening. This advice surely isn't coming from my grandmother.

"What are you talking about!" I tell her. "This is so random. Please, I don't want to talk about this Grandma!"

But she insisted, "Look-a, NEVER SAY NO! Dis is de cross-a we must-a carry as de woman."

"Are you telling me that if I ever tell my husband no, he's going to die?"

"What-a you? Some-a kind-a CRAZY!?!?!?!?! Yes-a! Dis is de true story!"

Well, there you have it ladies. Advice from my Italian grandmother: "Never say NO" to your husband's requests for "dance" lessons. I did ask her what would happen if the husband says no to his wife. Apparently the wife will not die. Don't get angry at me, now. I'm just the messenger.

And, before you get too offended, just remember, she's doing her Italian grandmotherly duty of trying to get the world to produce more babies because more babies equals more mouths to feed which means more food to cook which means:

Happiness.



Have you had family members give you crazy advice? Do share : )

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Posted by Laura