May 13, 2010

Trapped in the Mommy Zone: Confessions of a Working Mom

It was an interesting day at the office: my diaper bag (laptop carrier) exploded. The copy machine malfunctioned. I found myself attempting to speak in code to my husband by spelling in front of adults who can spell! That’s of course after finding myself speaking to clients in not so cute toddlerease. Woops.

Sometimes it’s hard shifting gears from the home to office. Sometimes even though I’m away from my kids my mind is trapped in the Mommy zone! Let’s go through the list of embarrassing moments that I’m sure many working moms have experienced at one point or another.

You Know You’re Trapped in the Mommy Zone When . . .

1.) Your diaper bag also functions as a laptop carrier, briefcase, lunch box, makeup bag, and finally, after jamming in every last necessity, the lip-gloss, the hand sanitizer, the wipes, a change of clothes for baby boy, the animal crackers, it explodes in the car! Of course there is no time to run in the house and get a new bag, so what do you do? You carry this massive “briefcase” all day long as though it were a clutch on steroids.

2.) You nearly get pulled over while on the way to work because there was barely enough time to get dressed let alone drink coffee and you are now just plain delirious. You wonder if there is such a thing as a DWC? Driving without Caffeine.

3.) After dropping off the kids and driving to work, you’re is still listening to that horrendous CD of nursery rhymes that toddler requests to hear on repeat, until you realize: I can have quiet now. Why am I still listening to this!

4.) At the office your once sophisticated vocabulary now takes on an unprofessional and completely inappropriate cutesy baby talk. At random points throughout the day, you unintentionally begin talking to your co-workers/employees as though they were your dear 2YO at home, saying things like: “Excuse me while I go do peepee in the potty!” or “Oopsie-daisey! The copy machine is jammed again!” Or “The client canceled; how stinkey-winkey!” Of course your mouth drops in horror as these words are coming out of your mouth. But it is too late. You sound like an idiot.

5.) You felt so good about that nice blouse (especially since it took you all morning to find one that fit), until mid day, after several meetings, a well-meaning client tells you a bird has crapped on your shirt. You run to the “potty” to check it out only to discover it was no bird but your own baby who secretly vurped a clumpy loogie down your shoulder! After composing your embarrassed self, you return to your meeting, pretending not to be utterly humiliated and attempt cursing those “darn birds!”—but it’s not even that cool, because you’re still in the mommy zone and even though you say it in a dramatic angry tone, the words that come out of your mouth are more like: “Those silly-billy-gumdrop birds!”

But at the end of the day, driving back to pick up the kids and head home, you realize whether you’re staying at home or out at the office, every job has its moments. Some are embarrassing. Exhausting. Happy. Horrible. Hilarious. And some are just plain wonderful. Like when finally, you go to the door to pick up your kids and there are the two biggest smiles you’ve ever seen saying, “Mamma! Mamma! I missed you!” Yup, every job has its moments.

What are your Mommy Zone moments?

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Posted by Laura


Cindy @ This Adventure, Our Life said...

I love the part about still listening to kid music when you are alone, oooppps, I do this! Also, the bird poop, aka baby loogie, hilarious! Voted for you :)

Kim said...

This is great!! I'm a SAHM, so I find myself narrating things-- even when I don't have kids with me. Like at the grocery store I'll be narrating, "let's get some nice juicy grapes" and it's only after a hundered people look at me oddly do I realize that I don't have a kid with me! :)

Tractor Mom said...

Being a working mommy, there never is a dull moment!

Jen said...

I feel a little guilty laughing at this wonderful post. It's so funny to me because it's all so familiar. And yet, the familiarity brings with it a tiny stab in my gut. Discomfort. The reality of my days. Happy? Yes. CRAZY? YES!

Adriel Booker said...

DWC is surely a grave offence! i hope you were able to talk your way out of a ticket!! :)

Krista@Rustic Farm Decor. said...

So funny Laura! I always say I have go potty now! Even without the kids!

postmommy said...

I'm so much in the "Mommy zone" that I feel like I need my kids around me all the time, just so I don't have to explain myself. I feel naked when I go somewhere without them, and I often feel like shouting, "I HAVE KIDS!" when I see people casting sidelong glances at my disheveled hair and inevitably dirty shirt.

Justine said...

Hi, I'm here via Momalom. Yes, yes and yes! Especially number 5. The mommy zone seems to be a constant work zone too. Funny how that happens.

kt moxie said...

Love the one about the toddler music. Wait until they get a little older -- then you'll be in car, and realize that you are singing along with them to Jonas Brothers or worse... Hannah Montana!

Law Momma said...

silly billy gum drop birds. Hahahaha. Love it. My mommyzone moment came when I was running REALLY late to work and hauled ass in to the office to meet with a client. When he stood up to shake my hand, i realized there was dried poop on my hand. Dried poop. On my hand. Awesome.

Melodramommy said...

Thanks all for your wonderful funny comments! Isn't it so validating to know we're not alone in the madness. Law momma--poop on hands--hilarious! I've had that happen too--wrote a post on how to get the poop smell off hands.

Kim-hahahaha! I do that too. Narrate things when I don't have to.

Kt moxie-I can only imagine the music I will be forced to listen to in the years to come. Hopefully, it will not be the same one song on repeat.

post mommy, I know exactly what you mean. People without kids just don't understand sometimes. I know I didn't fully understand until I had my own.

Justine, nice to meet you. I look forward to reading your momalon post.

adrial, thankfully, I did get out of the ticket.

Krista, Jen, tractor mom, yes, it is plain crazy!

Cindy, voting for your baby too : ) Thanks for being so awesome : )

♥Yaya's Mommy ♥ said...

Happy Friday Follow.
I am a new follower. Hope you can come on over and follow me too.
Have a great day.

amber_mtmc said...

Ha! I don't really mix things up too much around here because, well, my job is to stay home. But, when it comes to stringing two, related, sentences together when talking to another adult? Not gonna happen.

Andrea said...

Love your blog! I'm your newest follower:-)

Unknown said...

Hahaha, I love it! I once caught myself cutting up my boss's meat. Talk about embarassing!

PS I take a very juvenile glee in being your 69th follower!

sara said...

Found you through blog hop and this post made me laugh out loud!

Rudri said...

Thanks for these moments. I got a laugh this morning. I've been there. I hum the theme to Sleeping Beauty constantly. Everywhere. It is stalking me all the time.

I am over from Momalom. Nice to meet you.

Cleo said...

I just can't understand why you're not #1 humor blog: you crack me up! :):)
Even though I don't work outside the home....I catch myself having a hard time switching gears as well! It really leaves for "uncomfortable silences"!!! LOL!!!

Manpreet Kalra said...

Very thoughtful article. For a fresh take on building strong careers and families, check out Getting to 50/50 -- on how men and women share roles with all sorts of good results -- including a healthier sex life. The book also debunks some common myths that cause many moms to back away from their jobs. Authors Sharon Meers (a Goldman MD now in tech) and Joanna Strober (a private equity exec) share their often funny tales of combining work and family. Definitely a book worth checking out.